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For our final discussion I would like to focus on Tee's definition of marriage. This question comes from the reading guide in the back of the book, and it is a very interesting one that will surely bring forth great discussion.
"When Tee recounts her marriage, she distinguishes between the dreamy stage of love and the 'reality portion that set in… The part about what's for dinner? Who's doing the laundry? And what time are you coming home?' Do you agree with this distinction?" So let's talk about marriage. Is there a dreamy stage and a reality stage? If so, how do you deal with the transition from one to another? When does the transition happen? Why would the stages exist? If not, is marriage rooted in one stage or the other? No stage at all? What advice would you give Tee about marriage…to Ron? (I am being optimistic!)
Even if you didn't read the book, leave a comment. Let me know how you view the "stages" (or lack thereof) in marriage, and what advice you would give to those contemplating marriage.
1 comment:
Wow! This was a great endeavor and I truly enjoyed participating. Can't wait for the next selection. Again I personally think we are DeBerry & Grant's original Fan Club Members (Marcus, dah-ling!) and I am very possessive of my "relationship" with them--don't like to share :-) JK! Anyway, thanks to the authors for again creating a masterpiece that can be read over and over again. Thanks to the host (Sis!) of MLBC for the invitation to participate in the first ever book club!
In answer to the final discussion questions--yes there are several in that "small" paragraph! I believe that marriage does progress through stages. After the courtship stage of getting to "know" one another and the decision to commit oneself to one person for the rest of your life--seriously?! Your whole Life?--the early years are often referred as the HONEYMOON stage. In the beginning (esp. before the onslaught of children), you are excited about sharing your life with this wonderful man (or woman for guys reading this) and want to do everything together. I believe that your environment is more relaxed and innocent to an extent because the real person has not completely presented him/herself.
After a year, or three for some or month for others :-), you begin to realize that there is an expectation within a marriage that borders along the lines of respect and common courtesy. You now have to share in household chores, children, bills, etc. You are living with someone whose personality is likely the opposite of yours, who has different views on ideas and concepts than yours and who--let's be honest--is downright lazy and looking for his Momma to care for him (oops! Reliving an issue with a "friend" of mine, yeah that's it!). Seriously though, the day to day operations of life--work, home, family, activities, etc.--will eventually affect your relationship and further influence your thoughts, feelings, and expectations within the marriage. I believe that it is normal for a marriage to migrate through different phases--similar to the dynamics of groups, etc. With age should come maturity and wisdom about situations and this will ultimately help or hurt one's marriage. The key is to understand that the Honeymoon phase is temporary and that cultivating a strong marriage is hard work that you both must be willing to work at that can reap great rewards! Many go into a marriage with false sense of reality and are not prepared for the natural transition and immediately want out. However, with faith, prayer, love, passion, and a little dating :-)..."long-term" marriages can be successful.
As for Tee and Ron...okay if there is no sequel to this--putting a plug for some more Ron and Baby Son-in-law time!--I can ultimately expect Tee and Ron to marry. Ron is a secure, confident brotha—and is sexy as all get out!--who knows what he wants and has the self-assurance & foresight to allow HIS woman to be herself. Although he has never been married, as Tee has, Ron appears to be the type of man that will do it right the first time. Tee needs a man like that in her life! Tee needs someone who will encourage her to see her self-worth and exceed her own expectations. Especially since she has been “carrying” herself for over 20years and denying herself the true love of a real man (Gerald’s a loser!) One who will love her unconditionally and give all of himself--totally, completely--to her. I can also see them having a few baby "Tees & Rons" because they are just that passionate about their love for one another that it spills over to their family and friends. So yes! I WANT RON! I mean Ron and Tee will have a strong marriage based on unconditional love, truth, commitment, support for one another--and if it doesn't work out...then I'll take him! :-)
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